BUILDING WITH SOUND
http://www.npr.org/2012/09/16/160681284/first-listen-efterklang-piramida
Inspired by a nine-day session spent gathering field recordings in the abandoned Russian mining settlement that gives the album its name — it’s on an island situated between Norway and the North Pole — Piramida is full of strange and mysterious accumulated sounds. The vacant facility produced all sorts of ghostly and clamorous sonic emissions, many of which find their way into these 10 sweetly stately, somewhat uncharacteristically melancholy songs. What sounds like a thumb piano in “Hollow Mountain,” for example, is actually the product of an oil tank, although what sounds like a 70-member girls’ choir is actually a 70-member girls’ choir; every second of Piramida is sculpted to maximize its beauty, and Efterklang draws from the biggest toolkit imaginable.
What does your IB LP attribute SOUND like?
Today’s focus: Allow for a balance of perspective in your writing. You should not be the only character in your story. Be interested in a variety of characters.
Post your work from today’s lesson here.
@FriedEnglish101 
‘You wanna hurry up? Some of us actually want to get over the fence!’ screamed the middle-aged lady wearing heavy make-up just behind me. Everyone pressed close to the person in front of them and put all their strength to push them away. I managed to push through and come towards the front of the line. Now was my chance to climb over the monstrous fence and get to the other side. I didn’t realize how blood-curdling it was to actually do this. I need some time to think this through. I put my left foot to the fence bars and my brain and my body stopped working, as if it was paralyzed. Below the fence was a really deep hole and I couldn’t risk my life just to get to the other side to meet someone I barely idolize. I decided to step down. Just before then, the thoughts of the lady tingled in my ears.
‘Urgh! I knew I should have just pushed her away!’ I told my friends. Hundreds of people are behind me and I need to get there first. I need to be in front. I have to and will meet Pepe! I know I should really not be complaining because it’s actually pretty cool going from Category 2 to VVIP. All I need to do is get over this fence and I’m there, just inches away from him. Now if I only could push this little girl out of my way…
Excellent introduction. That bit of dialogue puts your reader directly into the action!
Waking up early from a camping trip was hard enough and today my football team has 2 match competing with one of the best football team in the city. Im so nervous for my team because we will be so exhausted from yesterday’s field trip yet again we haven’t been practicing as much as the other schools has.
Time feel like such a rush. Suddenly i was on the pitch ready for kick off. I wish time could just slow down so that i can take a deep breath. The referee blew his whistle as i snap out of my taughts. The first Game is on!. Not even half time i was already so tired. Their passing was incredible i kept trying to take the ball off them but i ended up running everywhere like a lost puppy. The ball keep on going so close to our goal i can just feel our new goaly’s feeling of fear!. We have a new Goaly and this is her first ever game and she never played football. EVER!. I can see her face going pale white every time the ball comes near her. Her eyes was intensely on the ball but the their team shoot really quickly that she didnt react fast enough. 1-0 as i can finally take a deep breath of disappointment. Half way! as i told the coach and my team that we should have a strong defense team, so we decided to put our captain to be in defense by this decision hopefully we will save a lot of goals. The game was back on, i can tell my teams were all so tired from the running and the extreme heat.
This idea really allows for you to explore IMAGERY. What did the field smell like? What did being that tired really feel like? Did it make your muscles ache? Were your eye lids as heavy as a slab of concrete?
Risk Taker
Being a risk taker means to do something you have never done before. As an ordinary teenager, I have faced several times when I need to become a risk taker and try new things. Being risk-taker doesn’t mean that you have to do motocross biking or surfing, it means trying something you haven’t try before that you don’t know what effect it will bring to you.
A week ago, I was camping with my schoolmates in Mt. Gede. It was the first time I slept in a sleeping bag in a tent, which shows myself a risk-taker. It was the first day, and we still didn’t know the basic things we are going to do the next couple of days.
Unfortunately for some of us, it was going to be hiking the next day. We split the jobs that we are going to do for the next day. The most challenging task is to become the sweeper of the day. There were 3 sweepers, and all of them need to make sure that there is no trashes or member of the group left behind. I took the risk to become one of the sweepers.
The day started well, but ended now really good for some of the students. All of the sweepers and the leader had an agreement, to take responsibility of 3 people each. I took the second group consists of 3 person.
Things happened that day, and our plan was broken into pieces. We forgot to count the factor that some people wanted to be fast and some people didn’t have the stamina to follow the others. As the third sweeper went fast to follow the groups member that wanted to reach the top faster, I was left with no choice but to wait for the left ones with the second sweeper and help them by bringing their rucksacks/bag so that they can reach the first checkpoint.
After several minutes of break, we continued the journey. Again, the third sweeper went faster to catch up with the others and left us (me and the other sweeper) with no choice.
Think about the focus for today: show a balance of perspectives. Think about adding some dialogue between all of the sweepers.
IB Learner Profile: Risk taker (short story)
– There I was, amongst a crowd of untamed beasts feasting their eyes on me. I didn’t expect it to be this unnerving 5 minutes ago, definitely not. Vigilantly, I got closer and closer, I was a bit scared but hey, you only live once. In a matter of seconds I managed to overcome my anxiety. By doing this I helped others feel a bit better as well, it’s a psychological thing. Things were going well, and then suddenly i heard this deafening scream..
You do well to build suspense for the reader. It is fantastic how the story JUMPS into action. Good luck, this is bound to be an exciting piece.
It was against the Raptors, we were at a tie game, our team had the ball and coach called time-out, everybody was exhausted, but we only had 10 seconds left. We could’ve gone to over-time, but I wanted to end this, I wanted to be the hero, and the villain. I nodded to my coach, he knew what I was gonna do, so he nodded back. Time’s up, we had to get back on the court and do our thing, we had to win. I was the point guard, I had the ball at half court, I waited for 5 seconds, I realized it was time, everything felt like a movie, the whole crowd stood up. I started dribbling the ball towards, I knew they believed I was gonna use the pick & roll, final 3 seconds, I then took the shot out of no where, for the win, and I got it! The crowd went crazy and everybody went insane, the risk-taking sounds like…….’Linsanity’. It was Lin for the Win…..
Good start! Think about examining this from other angles too. What did the coach see? What were your teammates thinking?
Adric 10.3
IB LP Short Story – Risk Taker
Right now, I’m at the balcony standing with my legs shaking a little with the horror I’m facing. the horror that I must face that day is just to do a forward jump and try to touch the ball. It would be easy for everybody to do a forward jump but would it be one if I’m doing it like 6 feets above the ground? My fear of heights is paralysing my body even though I know that the safety equipments can prevent me from falling directly to the ground.
I can hear everybody down there shouting, asking me to do the jump and get it over quickly so they can do this activity too. In a split second, I remembered the picture that Ms Tricia show to the class. The picture is about a boy looking down from the balcony, preparing to do the jump and land into the swimming pool. The situation that I’m facing right now is exactly like the picture and I have decided that I must conquer my fear.
Nice introduction! What can you do to mix up the perspectives? Allow for the reader to hear the thoughts of those below you. Did they think you would be able to do it?
What does caring sound like?
At our school trip, when we were going to go hiking, it was a hard and challenging experience for a lot of us. So we really suffered a lot, and it’s not just the girls, in fact there was more guys than the girls that were suffering. But at the trip, there was really a lot of things from IB learner profile, we did a lot of communicating and known each other better. At the hiking part there was especially a lot of caring, and this is what caring, we helped out each other by carrying stuff for them and encouraging them to keep going and tell them we’re almost there and funny this is that it always works. So this is what caring sounded like to me, when one is suffering for tiredness, and can not keep going, and suddenly someone ask them if they need help or encourage them, this to me was real caring, even though we didn’t know each other very well, just that we’re in the same school, but they still care about you. Letting you know that you’re not alone, and there will always be people around you that will help you. I’m not sure how to explain that feeling is like when you’re on an island alone and don’t know anything about it here but suddenly discovering that actually there’s people there that will help you out.
This could lead to a really amazing poem. What if you drafted a dialogue between two people, based on a conversation from the trip?
I don’t like her. I don’t like Max. I don’t like my brother. There’s not a single person I like in this house. This cramped, ugly, old house.
It was a beautiful summer. Everything was just so smooth and my life was just awesome. Till on that nasty 23rd June. My parents got divorced. Yeah, everyone gets divorced don’t they? It’s a usual thing. Can you believe that’s what they say to a 12 year old? It was awful for me. I just hit my teen year, then everything gets crushed. My relationship with my family, my confidence, my grades. In a blink of an eye, everything is ruined. Ever since then, mom worked so hard. Even so, the money the gets isn’t as much as dad’s, so we moved out to this teeny-tiny house. Truth is, I don’t really care anymore, it was 4 years ago. But it’s embarrassing. Like, on parents day, and only mom came, then everyone would ask where dad is. You guys probably wouldn’t know, but it was very embarrassing to say the word “divorced”. At least for me it was.
Wow. This is very powerful. The foreshadowing in the beginning absolutely hooks the reader. Excellent start!
Creative Writing Draft 1:
I rushed into the teleporter after upgrading my “Polarstar” from the gunsmith. The only thing in my mind right now is the thought of saving Sue from the Doctor. Maybe they have already left for the surface, but I still need to check the dragon egg that was left in the “Egg Corridor”. Kazama probably have already reached there. I entered the teleporting chamber and selected “Egg Corridor” for my destination. Then, I began dematerializing. Time was flowing in slow-motion. The whirring sounds the teleporter made grew louder and louder until my head materialized into the “Egg Corridor”.
This place is a wreck. The previously clean and elephant infested place is now in ruins. The flies that occupied this very area are now lying on the floor, ripped to shreds. The elephants didn’t quite have the same fate. Instead, they had decaying flesh and skin and were still walking back and forth around the entire field. Then, I noticed the previously healthy eggs that took up the entire glass basement floor were replaced with broken eggshells. Oh no. Suddenly, a gale of wind descended on me. I blocked the attack with my tattered cape and hid behind a fallen pillar while taking out my Polarstar. Then, I turned around to face the most grotesque creature I have eve met so far on this island.
Its eyeballs were gone, and its bones were visible. But, its wings were still moving and had managed to float itself up in the air with great ease. The dragon looked like it survived a shower of lava. I pulled the trigger of my Polarstar and a large star-shaped beam burst out. I fell back from the recoil before the bullet even reached its target. Then, it hit the dragon right in its chest and the dragon vaporized before it can even move it’s muscle. Wow, the gunsmith really outdid himself. I put Polarstar back in its holster and began analyzing my surroundings. Those dragons are everywhere. Not to mention, those elephants were also in the same state as they are. What did the doctor do to this place? Nevertheless, I used my booster to fly over the elephants while shooting dragons and avoiding pillars on the way.
I arrived on a small shack in the middle of the area. Maybe Cthulhu still lives there. I entered the room and saw that it was in shambles. It was desolate and empty. Then, a
This is most certainly thinking outside of the box. I’m very curious to see how this ends!
(IB Learner Profile: Inquirer)
Boom!Bang!Smash! Running around the house breaking things, we were having fun. It was just an ordinary weekend. My cousins and I always got together in my uncle’s gigantic yellow house with a blue top that was built by my great-great-great-grand father. It’s got 3 floors and a basement. Outside the house there is a big front yard with just a tree and some grass. Every weekend I would go to their house to play. Since we lived in a small village in a countryside, there wasn’t much things to do. All we could do is run around the big house or just lay down on the grass and watch the beautiful blue sky. Therefore my cousins and I were always curious about everything.
One time a bird nested on the tree in the front yard. The oldest cousin got so excited and called all of us.
“Hey guys! Come over here! There is a bird nest on our tree!”
Starting with sounds is an excellent way to place your reader. Great start!
IB LP free writing
List of sounds with the IB learner profile
500 words short story
It is in the middle of November, and we’re going on a trip to Pemberton, a town near the Rockies, to fish. We know it isn’t a good time to bike in the winter, but my friends insisted we must reach Pemberton by evening and that time no bus was operating, luckily all of us are bikers and we love mountain biking. So, we finally made a decision to bike to Pemberton. I prepared my bike. I changed my headlights and also checked my tire pressure. I still feel uncomfortable but I think this is going to be a good experience, nothings going to go wrong, I thought.
“Alan, are you sure we can’t wait until tomorrow?” I asked
“No Chris, lets just go today. The roads are less crowded, tomorrow’s Sunday, the busses will be full and we couldn’t bike because the roads are crowded” he replied
“Well you’re right. I’ll ask Theo and James to prepare our fishing rods.” I said
Right after breakfast, we departed. At first it seems like it is going to be a good weather all day long with clear skies, but as we get near the mountain, the wind blows hard. The roads were full of turns, it is quite challenging in a windy day. The wheels of the bikes screech, gasping for traction from the asphalt as I slammed the brake. The cold breeze slowly dries my lips. I can see in the distance, snow.
The foreshadowing with the wind really gets your reader wondering what is coming next. Good work!
Shall I arrive a minute later, Darius would’ve been killed in a mass raid on Persepolis. White horses of the royal army strode down the streets of the great capital, slaying those in path. It was no time to enjoy what was once a grandeur. The city was a holocaust paradise. Temples toppling down, houses blazing with flames, markets turned into a mass mess, children left without their parents and there’s no place where you can steer your horse without stepping on a corpse. Entirely, it was a blazing camp fire in the cold nights, under the pure black Persian skies.
Several steps back in time….
In the comfort of the Nottingham Palace, Britain for me is a lush green land with trees and bushes, clear streams of water, all sorts of blooming flower and the warmth of the sun accompanied with the chirps of hummingbird. Unfortunately, beyond the walls of the palace is an empire at war. Our nation had plummeted into a great war between empires, mostly due to those who seek revenge on one another. It’s just unfortunate that Britannia sits right in the centre. Our battle ground stretched far from Albion, down to Egypt till the land of the dragons.
Alexander had the upper hand. His Macedon Empire stretched across the Greek peninsula and have eaten half of the great Persian Empire. Lead by an old friend, Darius’ Persian Empire is deep in war with Alexander’s ambition on expanding Macedon. So far, the Persian Empire is experiencing a drawback and loosing much of its power to its conqueror. The conqueror who happen to have shared the same looks as me.
I like the ‘flashback’ here. This is bursting with creativity!
I woke up from my deep sleep with a terrifying look at my face thinking that I might have gone deeper into the minefield with my soldiers by my side. Looking slothful, I opened my eyes widely looking for clues for where I am now. I realized I was in a sort of clinic center since my friends were laying beside my bed and a lady was dressed like a nurse. Then I recognized someone from a dream, stood my friend beside me named Tom, an american. Looking emotionally sad, Tom said, “ Thanks for saving my life, I’m really sorry you really have to end up one legged. I’ll do anything to repay you back, I promise”. As soon as he spoke out the words, the news at the tv stucked up into one of the corners came out as a bombshell stating that injuries were mostly received by the americans, and about 7000 american soldiers were inflicted in a serious injury. Terribly jolted, my eyes then began to direct itself to my right leg and I realized that I lost a feet. My whole body stood freezing and almost dying and I said to tom, “Russia is overwhelming America right?,” Then tom nodded and said, “ it’s not the end, It’s just the beginning”. I told myself that loosing a leg was not always have been fancy, it’s definitely not a dream, it was an achievement that I had fought for my country.
Good start. Can you add imagery with the sounds of the clinic? Were other soldiers sick, crying out?
Today is the day where adventure begins. It’s 8 O’clock in the morning and everybody were busy packing things up. I have done it all before I went to bed last night. Everybody was still busy and I saw one guy stood there and do nothing. I knew from the beginning that he’s a quite type that doesn’t speak much.
Then, after everyone is done but he stood up there and doing nothing. The teacher called him out and then he started moving. Some of the students got their own job for the hiking. I got the ‘Sweepers’ job where I should motivate people to keep going and don’t give up.
It was 2 hours already in the hiking trip. I didn’t see any one of them wining but I saw the quite guy breathing heavily and he’s not even saying anything. I tried to talk but he’s only repeating words that he already said and he only said one thing but I never give up.
Wow, there are so many different IB LP attributes you can explore with this idea. Good work!
Creative Writing (still in progress)
The | City of Wonder
I am walking down the street where I heard people’s footsteps, children’s laughter, birds chirping, and smoke rising from the ground. It is a new start for everyone. Today, I am planning to go to my favorite spot in one of the alleys near the bakery shop. It is located in a small, narrow passage hidden behind the bushes. The hidden passage’s hard to find and up until now, only I can access to this passage. When I entered into the passage, I felt like this place was just like a fantasy world. It’s just different from the street I was walking in just now. Slow music was playing down the pavement and little fairies were seen playing in the trees. I was walking in a steady pace looking around and wondering if the real world could be this peaceful and lovely.
In the end of the passage was another world connected to ours. I came here several times a week when I’m feeling blue, or bored. There was a soft bright golden light at the end, without any hesitant, I walked in.
It was a city of wonder. There are people with different sizes and shapes. Some of them were as tall as giants, some of them were as small as gnomes. The city’s filled with alluring shops and restaurants, scent of fresh roasted coffee, and beautiful decorartions. I once asked myself, where am I? How did I end up in this place? Is this reality, another world in another dimension or is this all just a world that I created in my head? I never knew the answer to this question. As I walked through the coffee shops, the scent of fresh brewed coffee filled up my mind. It was such a pleasent scent that I got to go buy one. I continued walking while sipping my coffee into another alley located in the city. There’s a small bookstore to the right side. It’s two stories high with simple and elegant decorations on the outside. I brought a paperbag with me as I walked into the store with a smile on my face.
IB LP Short Story – Risk Taker
It was a bright day at the 12th of september 2012 and we’re at the second campsite in Gunung Gede. We’re all doing an activity called “High Ropes” and right now, I’m at the balcony standing with my legs shaking a little with the horror I’m facing. The horror that I must face that day is one of the “High Ropes” activity where I just need to do a forward jump and make an attempt to touch the ball. It would be easy for everybody to do a forward jump but would it be one if I’m doing it like 6 feets above the ground? My fear of heights is paralysing my body even though I know that the safety equipments can prevent me from falling directly to the ground.
I can hear everybody down there shouting, asking me to do the jump and get it over quickly so they can do this activity too. In a split second, I remembered the picture that Ms Tricia show to the class. The picture is about a boy looking down from the balcony, preparing to do the jump and land into the swimming pool. The situation that I’m facing right now is exactly like the picture and I have decided that I must conquer my fear.
I decided just to believe in the staff and shouted “Ready to jump!” before I really jumped. After I heard the reply from the staff, I took several steps backward and the sentence “It’s now or never!” passed through my mind. Then I did the jump and failed to touch the ball. When I reached the ground, I realized how fun it was and get the urge to try it again but sadly, all of us can only do it once. Some of my friends even asked me like “Is the safety okay?” or maybe “What takes you so long to jump up there?”. They also ask how it feels when you go down and I say that it was one great experience for me.
Well, that’s kind of weird because at first, they asked me to jump down and now they’re asking me the safety of the activity. I answered their questions and I figured out that I have became their guinea pig because I volunteered to go first, thinking that it would be easy to jump and touch the ball only. I can say that safety is all that is in their minds because how can someone experience fun when the safety fails and fall from that height which can injure or kill you. I also got a theory that they could prove that the safety is safe or not by seeing me fall directly or slowly to the ground when I did the jump.
In the end, I found that the “High Ropes” activity is very exciting and I’ve been thinking to do that again for the rest of the day and how sad it is that I can’t do that jump again because I really want to touch the ball. I also think that I must thank God that I didn’t go to the hospital or died from the fall because of a team that is expertise on managing the safety of everybody when we’re doing the “High Ropes” activity with the safety equipment is also appears to be in good condition.
Fiction Story – Communicator
It was catastrophic. Everything was disaster for me and I am facing this disaster all alone. It was like a fight against a fierce monster and my friends were eaten by that monster. That monster have consumed my friend and it starts to consume me slowly in every minute of my life. The monster was what we called laziness and it brings me despair. Even until today, I’m still fighting that beast and will never stop fighting it.
“We’re finally here guys. We’ve made it!”, shouted Argon. “Yeah thanks to that old guy we met in the main road of Morgart.” , Hook replied. “Did he just beat that punk with a single flick of his hand?!”, Argon shout with his passion. “Shut up! We need to keep going or else they’ll keep up with us.” I said.
Argon and Hook are preparing the base shuttle ships to leave this base. I’m searching for some spare parts that I could add in this hall. I remember that I and my parents always passed down this hallway that is heading to gate A13. This hallway was covered in smooth and logistics surface. The wall is covered with frame of interesting advertisement. I always challenge my dad to race through the hallway that who’s going to reach the gate first. Unfortunately, those memories were just in past now; right after an incident in Laboratory Q8. Now, this hallway is destroyed and vanquish. All of the logistic surface were malfunction. Almost of the area is covered in ‘Bloody Mary’.